VOICES IN MY HEAD

September 3, 2018

Before we get to the Voices, it’s time for English.

 

The last few months I’ve been writng more in Hebrew than in English.  Now I’m trying a new combination. I’m calling it Engrew. Let’s face it, English is my mother tongue, and it always will be. But after living in Israel for 40 (YES, Tuesday was 40 years !!) much Hebrew has crept into the way I speak.
Once I was in an elevator with a good friend with a similar background, we were speaking *our* normal dialect – “So when are you doing קניות לשבת? Are you going on חופש this year? How’s the new עוזרת working out? סוף, סוף we're doing the שיפוצים we need to do! Tell me about a good מוסך you can recommend and add these names to your רשמית תהילים. Someone turned around and asked us "what are you speaking, English or Hebrew???".


If you can relate, say I or גם אני!!
And so I don’t even know how to go about editing this new language of mine.  So I guess it’ll be unedited…scary for me.  I have these perfectionist tendencies that I’m trying to tame….
For the idea I’d like to share today.  And I say share because I did not invent this.
Just for today I won’t blindly believe everything the voice in my head is saying to me. 
If something I’m hearing makes me feel bad,I"ll take out that trusty STOP sign.  

 


Just for today, I’ll stop and listen to what it’s saying.  And I can decide if it’s true or not. 
Here's a private letter that I wrote to my Voice. It's private...

Dear Voice,

Hi! How are you doing? Since last night, it seemed like things were bothering you.  I hope you’re feeling better and if not, I did some research that might improve your outlook.  

I honestly thought you were right when you told me yesterday that I’m not being good to myself.  That I’m only giving and giving and that I don’t have time for ME.  

What you were saying really made me feel BAD.  It also glued me to the Pity Pot.  Not pretty and די מסריח.

Boo, hoo.  You had me so convinced that I shared my woes and then got some unsolicited advice, which as you know did not make me feel any better!!
  
And then you chimed in with him and soon I heard a choir of how I’m not doing the right thing for me and I was hearing BAD, BAD, BAD.

 

 

 

Well, I sat and did my research and I’m happy to tell you that I’m doing better than you though!  
Out of 16 things that I want to do, I did 10 and for a few of them I got much extra credit.  
Taking care of Mom who isn’t feeling up to par, spending time with a good friend who’s going through a tough challenge and visiting an amazing, צדיקה friend in the hospital who donated a kidney to a total stranger.  Those are the things that got me off track.  
Actually I can be proud of myself!  Instead, you’re telling me what I didn’t do?  לא יפה

Six important things I didn’t get to (yet – since I only measured 4 days and there’s still time in the week…).  And I will not only try to get to them today, but I will schedule them in differently for next week.  

I am learning. 
 
So dear Voice,  I am much better than you thought. 
I am on the right track.  
I have a way to check myself. Wow, is that important to me!!

If I don’t keep track, you have a tendency to put on your dark glasses and imagine the worse and convince me that it's true!! So here are the pink glasses. 

 


Look at my list through them and you might start saying some nice, positive things too.
So thanks for your input, but it’s not תורה מסיני!

Always here, 

 


Chani
*********************
Now - 
I’d really love to hear what YOU say, first of all about my new language and more important are the ideas here.
Do you have Voices that speak to you?
Are they always nice?
How do you deal with them?
Do you check to see if what they say is really true?
Leave your comment here.  I’d love to see them.
And remember, 

Start with having a good relationship with YOURSLEF!

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