• Chani Lior

Stop Kvetching!! ๐Ÿ˜ฉ ืœื”ืคืกื™ืง ืœื”ืชื‘ื›ื™ื™ืŸ


English follows the Hebrew

ืงื™ืฉื•ืจ ืœืกืจื˜ื•ืŸ

https://youtu.be/8DBnOnyu29c



ืื™ืš ืžื›ื‘ื™ื ืืช ื”ื‘ื›ื™ื™ื ื•ืช?

ืฉืจื™ ื‘ืื” ืืœื™ ื•ืืžืจื” ื‘ื›ืื‘.

"ืื ื™ ืžื•ื“ื”. ืงืฉื” ืœื™ ืœื‘ืงืฉ ื“ื‘ืจื™ื. ื–ื” ืชืžื™ื“ ืžื‘ื™ื ืœืžืจื™ื‘ื”.

ืœื ื›ืฉืžื“ื•ื‘ืจ ื‘ื“ื‘ืจื™ื ืงื˜ื ื™ื: ืœื”ื•ืฆื™ื ืืช ื”ืืฉืคื”, ืœืืกื•ืฃ ืืช ื”ื“ื•ืืจ. ืžื‘ื—ื™ื ืชื™ ืืœื• ืžืฉื™ืžื•ืช ืฉืื™ื ืŸ ืจื’ืฉื™ื•ืช. ืฉืืฉืžื— ืœืฉืžื•ืข "ื›ืŸ", ืื‘ืœ ืื ื™ ื’ื ืื—ื™ื” ืขื "ืœื". ืื ื™ ื™ื›ื•ืœื” ืœืขืฉื•ืช ืคืจืฆื•ืฃ, ืื‘ืœ ืœื ื ื•ืจื.

ื”ื‘ืขื™ื™ื” ื”ื™ื ื›ืืฉืจ ืื ื™ ืžื‘ืงืฉืช ืžืฉื”ื• ื’ื“ื•ืœ. ืื ื™ ืžื“ื‘ืจืช, ืžืกื‘ื™ืจื” ื•ื‘ืกื•ืฃ ืžืชื—ื ื ืช...ื•ื‘ื“ืจืš ื›ืœืœ, ืžืจื™ื‘ื”." ืžื” ืœืขืฉื•ืช??"

ื‘ืืžืช ืžื” ืขื•ืฉื™ื?

ืื™ืš ืื ื™ ื™ื•ื“ืขืช ืฉืื ื™ ื”ื•ืœื›ืช ืœื‘ืงืฉ ืžืฉื”ื• ื‘ืขื™ื™ืชื™? ืื™ื–ื” ืกื™ืžื ื™ื ืžืงื“ื™ืžื™ื ื™ืฉ ืœื™ ืขื•ื“ ืœืคื ื™ ืฉืื ื™ ืฉื•ืืœืช? ื›ืืฉืจ ืžืชืœื•ื•ื” ืœื”ืจื”ื•ืจ "ืื™ืš ืœื ืกื—" โ€“ ืชื—ื•ืฉื•ืช ืฉืœ ื‘ื˜ืŸ ืฉืžืชื›ื•ื•ืฆืช ื•ืงืฆืช ื™ื•ื‘ืฉ ื‘ื’ืจื•ืŸ, ื–ื” ืกื™ืžืŸ ืฉืžืžืฉ ื—ืฉื•ื‘ ืœื™.

ืงืฉื” ืœื™ ืœืื–ื•ืจ ืื•ืžืฅ ื•ืœื‘ืงืฉ.

ืื ื™ ื‘ืืžืช ืจื•ืฆื” ืืช ื”ืชืฉื•ื‘ื” ืฉืื ื™ ืจื•ืฆื”! ืื ื™ ืจื•ืฆื” ืืช ื”"ื›ืŸ! " ืื ื™ ืจื•ืฆื” ืืช "ืžื” ืฉืชื’ื™ื“ื™". ืื ื™ ืจื•ืฆื” "ืื™ืŸ ื‘ืขื™ื”". ื•ืื ื™ ื—ื•ืฉืฉืช ืฉืื•ืœื™ ืœื ืืงื‘ืœ ืืช ื–ื”. ืื ื™ ื‘ืืžืช ื™ื•ื“ืขืช ืฉื–ื• ืœื ืชื”ื™ื” ืฉื™ื—ื” ืงืœื”.

ื›ืืฉืจ ื™ืฉ ื“ื™ื‘ื•ืจื™ื ืงืฉื™ื, ืžื” ืื ื™ ืขื•ืฉื”? ื™ืฉ ืœื™ ืžืกืคืจ ื˜ืงื˜ื™ืงื•ืช. (ื”ื™ืœื“ื” ืฉื‘ืชื•ื›ื™ ืžืฉืชืžืฉืช ื‘ื˜ืงื˜ื™ืงื•ืช, ื›ืฉืื ื™ ืžืชื ื”ื’ืช ื›ืžื• ื‘ื•ื’ืจืช, ืื ื™ ื ืขื–ืจืช ื‘ื›ืœื™ื).

ื”ื˜ืงื˜ื™ืงื” ืฉืœ ื”ื™ื•ื ื”ื™ื ื‘ื›ื™ื™ื ื•ืช. ื–ืืช ืื•ืžืจืช ืœื‘ืงืฉ ื‘ื˜ื•ืŸ ืฉืœ ืจื—ืžื™ื ืขืฆืžื™ื™ื, ืœื”ืฉืชืžืฉ ื‘ืžื™ืœื™ื ืื• ืœืจืžื•ื– ืฉ"ืื ืืชื” ื‘ืืžืช ืื•ื”ื‘ ืื•ืชื™ ... ".

ื‘ื›ื™ื™ื ื•ืช ื–ื• ื‘ื›ื™ื™ื ื•ืช. ื–ื” ืœื ื™ืคื” ื•ื–ื” ืœื ื‘ื•ื’ืจ. ื›ื™ื•ื•ืŸ ืฉืื ื™ ืžื ื™ื—ื” ืฉื”ืชืฉื•ื‘ื” ืชื”ื™ื” "ืœื", ืื ื™ ืžืชื‘ื›ื™ื™ื ืช ื›ื“ื™ ืœืงื‘ืœ ืืช ื”"ื›ืŸ "ืฉืื ื™ ืจื•ืฆื”.

ืžื ื™ืคื•ืœืฆื™ื” .

ื”ืื ื–ื” ืขื•ื‘ื“? ื‘ื“ืจืš ื›ืœืœ ืœื. ื’ื ืœื ืืฆืœ ืฉืจื™, ื’ื ืœื ืืฆืœื™ ื•ืื•ืœื™ ื’ื ืœื ืืฆืœื™ืš.

ื”ืื ืื ื™ ืžืจื’ื™ืฉื” ื˜ื•ื‘ ืขื ืขืฆืžื™ ื›ืฉืื ื™ ืžืชื‘ื›ื™ื™ื ืช? ืืฃ ืคืขื ืœื.

ืื– ืื™ืš ืืคืกื™ืง? ื”ื“ื‘ืจ ื”ืจืืฉื•ืŸ ื”ื•ื ืœืฉื™ื ืœื‘ ืœื›ื™ื•ื•ืฅ ื”ื‘ื˜ืŸ ื”ื”ื•ื (ืื• ืœื’ืจื•ืŸ ื”ืชืคื•ืก ืื• ืœื‘ืจื›ื™ื™ื ื”ื—ืœืฉื•ืช). ื”ืชื—ื•ืฉื” ื”ื’ื•ืคื ื™ืช ื”ื–ื• ืžืกืžื ืช ืœื™ ืฉืžืฉื”ื• ืงื•ืจื” ื›ืืŸ.

ืื ื–ื” ื ื•ืฉื ืฉืžืื•ื“ ื—ืฉื•ื‘ ืœื™, ื–ื” ืื•ืžืจ ืฉื”ืฉืงืขืชื™ ื‘ื–ื” ื”ืจื‘ื” ืžื—ืฉื‘ื” ืขื“ ืฉื”ืขื–ืชื™ ืœืฉืื•ืœ. ื•ื‘ืขื•ื“ ืฉืืฉืžื— ืœืฉืžื•ืข "ื›ืŸ" ืžื™ื“ื™, ืื™ืฉื™ ื–ืงื•ืง ืœืงืฆืช ื–ืžืŸ ื›ื“ื™ ืœืงืœื•ื˜ ืืช ื”ื ื•ืฉื. ืื ืื ื™ ืœื•ื—ืฆืช ืขืœื™ื•, ืื ืื ื™ ืžืชืขืงืฉืช, ืื ืื ื™ ืžืชื‘ื›ื™ื™ื ืช, ื–ื” ืคืฉื•ื˜ ืžื‘ื™ื ืœื”ืชื ื’ื“ื•ืช ืžืฆื“ื•.

ืžื” ืื ื™ ืขื•ืฉื”? ืื ื™ ืžืงื“ื™ืžื” ืืช ื”ื‘ืงืฉื” ืฉืœื™ ื‘ืืžื™ืจื” "ืชื—ืฉื•ื‘ ืขืœ ื–ื” ืœืคื ื™ ืฉืืชื” ืขื•ื ื”, ืื ื™ ืœื ืฆืจื™ื›ื” ืœื“ืขืช ืžื™ื“". ื–ื”ื• ื–ื”.

ืื ื™ ืงื•ืจืืช ืœื–ื” ืœืชืžืœืœ ืืช ื”ื‘ื›ื™ื™ื ื•ืช.

1. ืชืฉื™ืžื™ ืœื‘ ืœืชื—ื•ืฉื•ืช ื‘ื’ื•ืฃ.

2. ืžืชื— ืžืกื•ื™ื ? ืฉื™ืžื™ ืœื‘!

3. ืœื”ื’ื™ื“ "ืื ื™ ืœื ืจื•ืฆื” ืชืฉื•ื‘ื” ืขื›ืฉื™ื•, ืชื—ืฉื•ื‘ ืขืœ ื–ื”. ื ื“ื‘ืจ ืžื—ืจ" ( ืื• ื‘ืขื•ื“ ืฉืขื”...ืžืชื™ ืฉื ืจืื” ืœืš) ืœืคื ื™ ื”ื‘ืงืฉื”.

4. ืœืขื–ื•ื‘ ืืช ื”ื ื•ืฉื ืœืขื›ืฉื™ื•.

ื›ืคื™ ืฉืœืžื“ืชื™ ืžืกื‘ื™ ื–"ืœ, ื›ืฉืืช ืžื‘ืงืฉืช ื‘ืงืฉื”, ืืช ืฆืจื™ื›ื” ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืžื•ื›ื ื” ืœืงื‘ืœ ืืช ื”"ืœื ", ื‘ื“ื™ื•ืง ื›ืžื• ืืช ื”"ื›ืŸ".

ืฉื‘ืช ืฉืœื•ื,

ื—ื ื™

ืื ืืช ืจื•ืฆื” ืขื•ื“ ื›ืœื™ื ืœืงืฉืจื™ื ื™ื•ืชืจ ื˜ื•ื‘ื™ื, ืฉืœื—ื™ ืœื™ ื”ื•ื“ืขื” ื›ืืŸ. ื™ืฉ ืœื™ื•ื•ื™ ืื™ืฉื™, ื™ืฉ ืกื“ื ืื•ืช, ื™ืฉ ื›ืœื™ื, ื™ืฉ ืขื–ืจื”.


WIPE away that kvetch!

Let's face it. It's hard to ask for things.

Sari came to me with her problem. "It's not hard for me to ask for little things like taking out the trash, picking up the mail, etc. For me those are non-emotional tasks that I'd love to hear a "yes", but I'll live with a "no" also. I might grunt a bit, but nothing major.

It's a different story when I'm asking for something big โ€“ and by big, I mean the stomach clenching, stammering over my own words, this is really important to me, BIG. He many times says โ€œNoโ€ and then we always end up in a fight."

Ever happen to you? It's happened to me too!

I really want the answer that I want! I want the "yes!" I want the "whatever you say". I want "no problem". And I'm afraid that I might not get it and from the start I actually know that it won't be an easy conversation.

So when things get hard, what do I do? My immature self uses a number of tactics. (Tactics are actions that my immature self uses. When I'm acting like a mature adult, I use tools.)

When I look at the facts in a mature fashion I use my tools.

In this situation the tactic I usually use is kvetching. Asking the question or making the request in a self-pitying tone, insinuating that "if you really love meโ€ฆ" is Kvetching.

Kvetching is kvetching. It's feeling bad for me ahead of time. It's not pretty and it's not mature. It assumes that the answer will be "no", and it assumes that some manipulation is needed to get the "yes" that I want.

Does it work? Not usually. Do I feel good when I kvetch? Never.

So how do I stop? The first thing is to pay attention to that stomach clench (for you it might be a tight throat or weak knees). This physical sensation is telling me that something is going on here.

If it's a hard request it usually means that I've been thinking about it for a while. And while I would love to hear an immediate yes, my husband needs time to absorb the issue. If I press, if I insist, if I kvetch, it usually acts contrarily and builds up some resistance on his part.

So what I do is preface my request by saying "think about it before you answer, I don't need to know immediately.โ€ Thatโ€™s the tool I use.

The WIPER. The WIPER that Wipes away the kvetch.

1.What's going on in your body?

2.If there's some tension โ€“ pay attention!

3.Preface the conversation with "I don't want an answer now.โ€

4.Ease up, breathe.

5.Relax.

If this request is something that I really want โ€“ but I've actually been living without it for a while, I probably can continue living without getting the immediate "yes" that I'd like.

As I learned from my Grandfather, may he rest in peace, when you ask a question, you have to be willing to accept the "no", just as much as the "yes".

Give your husband time to think. It might work at first, but as with most tools, it takes practice to work well. Just don't give up and keep using your tools for a better relationship and a better marriage.

For more information and more tools PRESS HERE.

Shabbat Shalom,

Chani

Enjoy the video - leave a comment. Tell me what you think!

https://youtu.be/p9N3XhCJrC8

0 ืฆืคื™ื•ืช0 ืชื’ื•ื‘ื•ืช

ืคื•ืกื˜ื™ื ืื—ืจื•ื ื™ื

ื”ืฆื’ ื”ื›ื•ืœ

What happens to the magnet, ืžื” ืงื•ืจื” ืœืžื’ื ื˜?

ื”ื•ื ืจื•ืฆื” ืœื“ื‘ืจ, ืื ื™ ืจื•ืฆื” ืœื—ืฉื•ื‘. ืžื” ืื ื™ ืขื•ืฉื”? He wants to talk, I need to think. What do I do? ืขื‘ืจื™ืช ืื—ืจื™ ื”ืื ื’ืœื™ืช >>> I need to think. I need quiet and he wants the answers NOW, he wants to discuss it

Chani Lior

chani@chanilior.com

Beit Haggai 9043000

Israel ื™ืฉืจืืœ

972-525215566

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