• Chani Lior

Stop Kvetching!! 馃槱 诇讛驻住讬拽 诇讛转讘讻讬讬谉


English follows the Hebrew

拽讬砖讜专 诇住专讟讜谉

https://youtu.be/8DBnOnyu29c



讗讬讱 诪讻讘讬诐 讗转 讛讘讻讬讬谞讜转?

砖专讬 讘讗讛 讗诇讬 讜讗诪专讛 讘讻讗讘.

"讗谞讬 诪讜讚讛. 拽砖讛 诇讬 诇讘拽砖 讚讘专讬诐. 讝讛 转诪讬讚 诪讘讬讗 诇诪专讬讘讛.

诇讗 讻砖诪讚讜讘专 讘讚讘专讬诐 拽讟谞讬诐: 诇讛讜爪讬讗 讗转 讛讗砖驻讛, 诇讗住讜祝 讗转 讛讚讜讗专. 诪讘讞讬谞转讬 讗诇讜 诪砖讬诪讜转 砖讗讬谞谉 专讙砖讬讜转. 砖讗砖诪讞 诇砖诪讜注 "讻谉", 讗讘诇 讗谞讬 讙诐 讗讞讬讛 注诐 "诇讗". 讗谞讬 讬讻讜诇讛 诇注砖讜转 驻专爪讜祝, 讗讘诇 诇讗 谞讜专讗.

讛讘注讬讬讛 讛讬讗 讻讗砖专 讗谞讬 诪讘拽砖转 诪砖讛讜 讙讚讜诇. 讗谞讬 诪讚讘专转, 诪住讘讬专讛 讜讘住讜祝 诪转讞谞谞转...讜讘讚专讱 讻诇诇, 诪专讬讘讛." 诪讛 诇注砖讜转??"

讘讗诪转 诪讛 注讜砖讬诐?

讗讬讱 讗谞讬 讬讜讚注转 砖讗谞讬 讛讜诇讻转 诇讘拽砖 诪砖讛讜 讘注讬讬转讬? 讗讬讝讛 住讬诪谞讬诐 诪拽讚讬诪讬诐 讬砖 诇讬 注讜讚 诇驻谞讬 砖讗谞讬 砖讜讗诇转? 讻讗砖专 诪转诇讜讜讛 诇讛专讛讜专 "讗讬讱 诇谞住讞" 鈥 转讞讜砖讜转 砖诇 讘讟谉 砖诪转讻讜讜爪转 讜拽爪转 讬讜讘砖 讘讙专讜谉, 讝讛 住讬诪谉 砖诪诪砖 讞砖讜讘 诇讬.

拽砖讛 诇讬 诇讗讝讜专 讗讜诪抓 讜诇讘拽砖.

讗谞讬 讘讗诪转 专讜爪讛 讗转 讛转砖讜讘讛 砖讗谞讬 专讜爪讛! 讗谞讬 专讜爪讛 讗转 讛"讻谉! " 讗谞讬 专讜爪讛 讗转 "诪讛 砖转讙讬讚讬". 讗谞讬 专讜爪讛 "讗讬谉 讘注讬讛". 讜讗谞讬 讞讜砖砖转 砖讗讜诇讬 诇讗 讗拽讘诇 讗转 讝讛. 讗谞讬 讘讗诪转 讬讜讚注转 砖讝讜 诇讗 转讛讬讛 砖讬讞讛 拽诇讛.

讻讗砖专 讬砖 讚讬讘讜专讬诐 拽砖讬诐, 诪讛 讗谞讬 注讜砖讛? 讬砖 诇讬 诪住驻专 讟拽讟讬拽讜转. (讛讬诇讚讛 砖讘转讜讻讬 诪砖转诪砖转 讘讟拽讟讬拽讜转, 讻砖讗谞讬 诪转谞讛讙转 讻诪讜 讘讜讙专转, 讗谞讬 谞注讝专转 讘讻诇讬诐).

讛讟拽讟讬拽讛 砖诇 讛讬讜诐 讛讬讗 讘讻讬讬谞讜转. 讝讗转 讗讜诪专转 诇讘拽砖 讘讟讜谉 砖诇 专讞诪讬诐 注爪诪讬讬诐, 诇讛砖转诪砖 讘诪讬诇讬诐 讗讜 诇专诪讜讝 砖"讗诐 讗转讛 讘讗诪转 讗讜讛讘 讗讜转讬 ... ".

讘讻讬讬谞讜转 讝讜 讘讻讬讬谞讜转. 讝讛 诇讗 讬驻讛 讜讝讛 诇讗 讘讜讙专. 讻讬讜讜谉 砖讗谞讬 诪谞讬讞讛 砖讛转砖讜讘讛 转讛讬讛 "诇讗", 讗谞讬 诪转讘讻讬讬谞转 讻讚讬 诇拽讘诇 讗转 讛"讻谉 "砖讗谞讬 专讜爪讛.

诪谞讬驻讜诇爪讬讛 .

讛讗诐 讝讛 注讜讘讚? 讘讚专讱 讻诇诇 诇讗. 讙诐 诇讗 讗爪诇 砖专讬, 讙诐 诇讗 讗爪诇讬 讜讗讜诇讬 讙诐 诇讗 讗爪诇讬讱.

讛讗诐 讗谞讬 诪专讙讬砖讛 讟讜讘 注诐 注爪诪讬 讻砖讗谞讬 诪转讘讻讬讬谞转? 讗祝 驻注诐 诇讗.

讗讝 讗讬讱 讗驻住讬拽? 讛讚讘专 讛专讗砖讜谉 讛讜讗 诇砖讬诐 诇讘 诇讻讬讜讜抓 讛讘讟谉 讛讛讜讗 (讗讜 诇讙专讜谉 讛转驻讜住 讗讜 诇讘专讻讬讬诐 讛讞诇砖讜转). 讛转讞讜砖讛 讛讙讜驻谞讬转 讛讝讜 诪住诪谞转 诇讬 砖诪砖讛讜 拽讜专讛 讻讗谉.

讗诐 讝讛 谞讜砖讗 砖诪讗讜讚 讞砖讜讘 诇讬, 讝讛 讗讜诪专 砖讛砖拽注转讬 讘讝讛 讛专讘讛 诪讞砖讘讛 注讚 砖讛注讝转讬 诇砖讗讜诇. 讜讘注讜讚 砖讗砖诪讞 诇砖诪讜注 "讻谉" 诪讬讚讬, 讗讬砖讬 讝拽讜拽 诇拽爪转 讝诪谉 讻讚讬 诇拽诇讜讟 讗转 讛谞讜砖讗. 讗诐 讗谞讬 诇讜讞爪转 注诇讬讜, 讗诐 讗谞讬 诪转注拽砖转, 讗诐 讗谞讬 诪转讘讻讬讬谞转, 讝讛 驻砖讜讟 诪讘讬讗 诇讛转谞讙讚讜转 诪爪讚讜.

诪讛 讗谞讬 注讜砖讛? 讗谞讬 诪拽讚讬诪讛 讗转 讛讘拽砖讛 砖诇讬 讘讗诪讬专讛 "转讞砖讜讘 注诇 讝讛 诇驻谞讬 砖讗转讛 注讜谞讛, 讗谞讬 诇讗 爪专讬讻讛 诇讚注转 诪讬讚". 讝讛讜 讝讛.

讗谞讬 拽讜专讗转 诇讝讛 诇转诪诇诇 讗转 讛讘讻讬讬谞讜转.

1. 砖讬诪讬 诇讘 诇转讞讜砖讜转 讘讙讜祝.

2. 转讞 诪住讜讬诐 ? 砖讬诪讬 诇讘!

3. 讛讙讬讚 "讗谞讬 诇讗 专讜爪讛 转砖讜讘讛 注讻砖讬讜, 转讞砖讜讘 注诇 讝讛. 谞讚讘专 诪讞专" ( 讗讜 讘注讜讚 砖注讛...诪转讬 砖谞专讗讛 诇讱) 诇驻谞讬 讛讘拽砖讛.

4. 注讝讜讘 讗转 讛谞讜砖讗 诇注讻砖讬讜.

讻驻讬 砖诇诪讚转讬 诪住讘讬 讝"诇, 讻砖讗转 诪讘拽砖转 讘拽砖讛, 讗转 爪专讬讻讛 诇讛讬讜转 诪讜讻谞讛 诇拽讘诇 讗转 讛"诇讗 ", 讘讚讬讜拽 讻诪讜 讗转 讛"讻谉".

砖讘转 砖诇讜诐,

讞谞讬

讗诐 讗转 专讜爪讛 注讜讚 讻诇讬诐 诇拽砖专讬诐 讬讜转专 讟讜讘讬诐, 砖诇讞讬 诇讬 讛讜讚注讛 讻讗谉. 讬砖 诇讬讜讜讬 讗讬砖讬, 讬砖 住讚谞讗讜转, 讬砖 讻诇讬诐, 讬砖 注讝专讛.


WIPE away that kvetch!

Let's face it. It's hard to ask for things.

Sari came to me with her problem. "It's not hard for me to ask for little things like taking out the trash, picking up the mail, etc. For me those are non-emotional tasks that I'd love to hear a "yes", but I'll live with a "no" also. I might grunt a bit, but nothing major.

It's a different story when I'm asking for something big 鈥 and by big, I mean the stomach clenching, stammering over my own words, this is really important to me, BIG. He many times says 鈥淣o鈥 and then we always end up in a fight."

Ever happen to you? It's happened to me too!

I really want the answer that I want! I want the "yes!" I want the "whatever you say". I want "no problem". And I'm afraid that I might not get it and from the start I actually know that it won't be an easy conversation.

So when things get hard, what do I do? My immature self uses a number of tactics. (Tactics are actions that my immature self uses. When I'm acting like a mature adult, I use tools.)

When I look at the facts in a mature fashion I use my tools.

In this situation the tactic I usually use is kvetching. Asking the question or making the request in a self-pitying tone, insinuating that "if you really love me鈥" is Kvetching.

Kvetching is kvetching. It's feeling bad for me ahead of time. It's not pretty and it's not mature. It assumes that the answer will be "no", and it assumes that some manipulation is needed to get the "yes" that I want.

Does it work? Not usually. Do I feel good when I kvetch? Never.

So how do I stop? The first thing is to pay attention to that stomach clench (for you it might be a tight throat or weak knees). This physical sensation is telling me that something is going on here.

If it's a hard request it usually means that I've been thinking about it for a while. And while I would love to hear an immediate yes, my husband needs time to absorb the issue. If I press, if I insist, if I kvetch, it usually acts contrarily and builds up some resistance on his part.

So what I do is preface my request by saying "think about it before you answer, I don't need to know immediately.鈥 That鈥檚 the tool I use.

The WIPER. The WIPER that Wipes away the kvetch.

1.What's going on in your body?

2.If there's some tension 鈥 pay attention!

3.Preface the conversation with "I don't want an answer now.鈥

4.Ease up, breathe.

5.Relax.

If this request is something that I really want 鈥 but I've actually been living without it for a while, I probably can continue living without getting the immediate "yes" that I'd like.

As I learned from my Grandfather, may he rest in peace, when you ask a question, you have to be willing to accept the "no", just as much as the "yes".

Give your husband time to think. It might work at first, but as with most tools, it takes practice to work well. Just don't give up and keep using your tools for a better relationship and a better marriage.

For more information and more tools PRESS HERE.

Shabbat Shalom,

Chani

Enjoy the video - leave a comment. Tell me what you think!

https://youtu.be/p9N3XhCJrC8

0 爪驻讬讜转0 转讙讜讘讜转

驻讜住讟讬诐 讗讞专讜谞讬诐

讛爪讙 讛讻讜诇

What happens to the magnet, 诪讛 拽讜专讛 诇诪讙谞讟?

讛讜讗 专讜爪讛 诇讚讘专, 讗谞讬 专讜爪讛 诇讞砖讜讘. 诪讛 讗谞讬 注讜砖讛? He wants to talk, I need to think. What do I do? 注讘专讬转 讗讞专讬 讛讗谞讙诇讬转 >>> I need to think. I need quiet and he wants the answers NOW, he wants to discuss it